Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Special Moms

I am dedicating this poem to some of the wonderful moms I've met while attending classes and groups at Kids on the Move.  I have met some women that have blown me away with their attitudes in the face of what they have endured.  I was at Courage Reins some months back and was telling Rob how much I like the moms there and he said that he wasn't surprised since it's a group of women that have all been specially chosen to raise kids with special needs.  He's right!
It takes a certain amount of character and strength to do this.  Our kids don't measure up on the playground and when we go to regular play dates.   We can't sit there and brag about how ahead they are of the other kids their age, or that they are in line to attend the most prestigious schools.  
When I talk to other moms with "regular kids", I can't participate in much of that kind of talk.  I still enjoy talking to all moms, but it definitely takes a certain amount of character to survive it intact and not feeling bad or left out.  I am grateful for the trials and troubles I went through before Elle was even born that refined me into a person who has made this aspect of my life easy.  I'm also grateful for the other special needs kid's moms for showing me how it's done.

Oh, and Erma Bombeck was The Queen.  She always makes me laugh and can make me cry through that laughter (see below)  -I don't care if that makes me seem like a 50 year old woman.

The Special Mother
by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice,
a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.
This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
Did you ever wonder how these mothers are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth
Selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew."
"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia."
"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who knows no
laughter?  That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.
Once the shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it."
"I watched her today.  She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.
You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of it's own.
She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life
Because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air. God 
"A mirror will suffice."

I have to take issue with the end though.  That's a bunch of crap.  I am no saint, and I am pretty sure I was sent about 10 saints or angels to help me with this.  Elle needed and needs all the help she can get

But I have to say- if I hadn't believed in God before, Elinor would have been all I needed to prove He exists.


Ami Hart said...

You are amazing Em!

Amy said...

Beautiful. I'm so glad you're one of those moms. I'm sure it is quite refreshing to visit with moms of special needs children. I'm so grateful for your example and strength.